I don't rely on some occasional event in outside life. I consider these stuffs as a smth for motivation of exploration.
Actually, i observe it how smth that it needs in exploring. Practically all events is grabed by my attention and explore as a smth without name and remembrance.
Yesterday, i noticed how clarifying impact of force on my consciousness caused agressive reaction among environment people. And it doesnt depend on my attitude with them. It's smth that works automatically.
While, i dont see method how can convert this reaction in something safe one and even i cant dissolve it. Row of conscious procceses follow some rules which are something beyond our will or a our wish to transform them.
Movements of consciousness causes gradually a new state of mind and change usual things and something new one. It dont have name or describing . Its absolutely a new thing, naturally for me. Partly, it seem to be opening in new world, but only partly, because consciousness of past pull for itself all kit of habits and old reactions from ancient past too.
This stage seem to be something very long and sometimes been of states when my patience is reduced strongly. Comes up thing that dont have inner stability and durability in itself. Tend to be this stuff comes up when i feel invasion of external will and sketchy emotions.
Doesnt exist position of state of consciousness that could be beyond of it, because this relation gives posibility to influences on it. Its some kind of payment for opportunity of self-turning into. So, step by step i find defferent relations between chains of consciousness. Some of them i can use in some new feature in comparison with their past, but major part giving me access for itself continue to follow of some inner order.
In fact, every second is experince, literally. Field for exploration is vast one.
Signifying on it, i see constantly, because my consciousness obtained ability to be attentive constantly. And this attention has feature of relaxation. Moreover, relaxation is condition for genuine attention for everything.
I still up for dont have thread of consciousness that stretch through the dream, but i have Presence in dream.
There is feeling that i am on edge of life and death in which i am beyond of time. And probably, it's something genuine in row of experiences.
Really, we stand on our knees in front of life, death, time and all that's higher than we are.
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I train different states of consciousness where with one side i follow for dynamic thread of mantra and at once change it on second position where strain and timeless simultaneously.
In both positions presence of force it is. But key is here in the strain of body and mind. From of it comes up genuine relaxation and real control above myself in states on the edge.
_________________ ~ Om Hreem Shreem Lakshmibhayo Namah ~
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